i have lost my voice and that frightens me more than dying alone or paper cuts or breaking my spine or seeing you with another.

i have lost the ability to feel the entirety of my universe swelling up within me, like hugging a balloon that is still being inflated, and feeling it pushing against the cage of your arms and that sensation of skin-thin fragility and power all at once. to know that you can channel the unspeakables and indescribables out of you, screaming down your arm and through your fingers and into someone else where they will grow anew and fill them up.

now i just feel emptier than this